Improving the Romantic Comedy

  I'm sitting here in my tv room, looking at my stacks of DVD's...most of which I have watched only once. Except for the zombie flicks of course..which have gotten the most use. But now I'm trying to think back to why I would get so excited about buying all these movies, going to the stores on Tuesdays for the new releases and indulging on those 3 for $20 deals at Target. "Loaded with extras" "Deleted scenes" "Commentary" and my favorite...."Alternate endings!!"

   Hmm..why does it seem every alternate ending really just ends the same way. Maybe a couple different lines, or a slightly different sequence of events that change the outcome in no way. I think this is bullshit. I want something shocking, mind binding that leaves the viewer wondering why wasn't that the real ending!???

  For instance..take the typical romantic comedy. Guy meets girl. Someone has troubled past or issues they are dealing with. Guy somehow messes up, typical, and girl leaves him. Girl starts seeing another guy. Guy shows he can change...blah blah blah....they get back together. Movie ends and they have sex.
 
  Now...to the alternate ending: 

 
   Guy gets girl back..and everything seems to be going according to plan. He sent her flowers, but they have not arrived to her home yet. They make up, cry and express their never-ending love for each other. Soon after, guy is still puzzled why flowers have not arrived. He goes to check the front door to see if they have been delivered during their makeup session. He sees the neighbor's Labrador running through the street and goes to grab the dog. Unsuspectingly he is run over by the Florist Delivery Van, driven by a jealous ex-boyfriend! And no, not an ex to the girl, but ex to the guy. Turns out the whole time he was gay, couldn't come to terms with telling his family. So he decided to hide it once more by getting back with said girl. (She seriously should have caught on though. He enjoyed hanging out with her friends too much, and loved blended drinks)

  Now, THAT...is a romantic comedy. Imagine if that were the actual ending...completely hijacking the movie and stunning the audience. No hint in the trailers, no foreshadowing of the events that were to come. All just a giant punch to the face in the last two minutes of the film. It would be the talk of Hollywood. Okay, maybe I am getting a little ahead of myself. I think I just always hope those cheesy films end that way, making the women around the world jaws drop. From that point on, they could never watch another "romantic comedy" again without thinking that some cargo van will come plowing down the street, striking the protagonist dead at the end. 

Look both ways before crossing.

"Oh, I've seen this ending before! Don't go outside!"

"Oh my gosh...are you gay?!?"

  Mission accomplished. This would quickly turn predictable romantic boredom into a high intensity suspense thriller. Now that is cinema!