Thursday, October 28, 2010

Westside Rental D-BaG

  If you live in Los Angeles, you know who he is. If you live in Southern California, you have probably seen him before. He reminds you of how annoying it his to find an apartment for rent, while at the same time setting back the white man's struggle to break the "bad dancer" stigma. Because seriously, I can dance, and not just well for a "white guy". This false super hero has been roaming the streets and local sporting events since I have been here in LA. He may have a costume, including a cape. He also has a super hero vehicle, including a dance stage attached to its roof. You may say this sounds incredible. I say you are incredibly wrong. He is the Westside Rental man, and he must be eliminated.
Captain D-Bag
At first he is good for a laugh and a wave. You see him outside of the rental office as you drive by, waving his hands around like an asshole. Moving and flailing. His voluntary seizures turn from comical to pure annoyance. I personally have spotted this menace at Dodger Stadium, Angel Stadium, Petco Park, Staples Center, Qualcomm, Loyola basketball games, and on and on and on. If you are a lady at a local club/bar in the South Bay, you are likely to run into this villain as well. I have spotted him in Manhattan Beach, thrusting himself against unknowing college co-eds. The general reaction includes scowls, followed by an occasional slap to his face. Cape worthy? I think not. His aggressive nature on the dance floor leads to unsightly dancing, fights, borderline rape, and an uncomfortable outing for everyone. Legitimate quote from West Side Rental Man:
"I'm the best dancer out here. No guys can move like me. You know who I am, right?" - -disgusting
Give him a giant, "F..YOU!"
  This is America. I have no problem with someone working their ass off to get a buck, make a name for themselves, and doing what they love. But like I said, this is America! It's shit like this that makes me mad! We have the right to bring him down, just as fast as he has risen. And don't feel guilty if you think he has some disease or disability. Although his appearance might lead you to believe he needs heavy doses of medication, are probably right. But again, this is America, and we still laugh at the disabled. Sorry. (Specially sorry to those who put in all the hard work with our mentally challenged. You all do a great job!) But giving a retard a cape and shield does not make them immune, or give them an excuse to act in such ways.
   Do not support this menace to society. Do not pay those fees for Westside Rentals! Just use someone's password. Try another company. Or get your lazy ass off the computer and do it the old school way. Just drive around in a neighborhood you want to move to and see what you can find. How about grow up and buy a condo! Now is the time to buy, and renting is just tossing your money down the drain. A drain that leads directly to the pockets of Rental Man. Allowing him to buy even larger vehicles, attend more sporting events, and gain more power over our rental options. His vehicle was currently just spotted, parked on Centinella and Bundy, right by Santa Monica Airport. If you see him, please give him a patriots salute with a giant middle finger!
  On a side note, he makes for a great Halloween costume if you have yet to think of one. Procrastinator