Wednesday, December 22, 2010

How to win a "Dance Off"

  There are some very important things we all must know when we enter a dance off. Since this is such a frequent event, at least for me, we all must be prepared and aware of our abilities and surroundings.
1. Know your competition.
- This isn't a war. It is a battle. Meaning you can pick your battles. You don't just get thrown into a mess of people "dance fighting". Generally in my case, you see some asshole dancing in a very serious manor. They are concentrating far too much on their appearance, who is watching them, and if they are impressing any females. If all are true, then they can be defeated! 
  Study their moves for about 3-5 minutes, or for at least 2 different songs. Make sure the songs are to different beats/styles. Their height, looks, and clothing all can be factors as well. In the end, make sure you are the more casual looking person, allowing room for the element of surprise!

2. Strength in Numbers

- Be sure to have a good crew! You need people on your side, no matter how terrible a dancer you are. Appearance is everything. Always make sure your group is balanced with men and women, and obviously more attractive women help. Typical patterns of a dance off has the group circling around the battlers. Your supporters must be fully in your corner, and your actual friends. Or people that find you amusing. Each move you execute must bring cheers, while only silence falls when your advisary attempts to defeat you.

3. Push-up move? 

This is not a move, douche.
- NO! NEVER! I hate this. I don't know when a push up has become a standard weapon in a dance arsenal, but it has no place here whatsoever. This move leads to a quick death. If you ever have an opponent commit this mistake, it is your job to take advantage. My personal move in this situation is to stand over the enemy, dance over his head, disrespecting and terminating them. This is your kill move (ie: Mortal Kombat - "FINISH HIM!")

4. Have more fun!

- This may be the most important point, yet I have it numbered 4. But that is besides the point. If you are having a better time then them, in the end you will always win. Don't take it so serious, and poke fun at the situation, yourself, and most importantly the other dude. Example: In my most recent victory, my unsuspecting enemy was wearing a bow tie. Now, I am not here to knock the bow tie at all, but his overall appearance was laughable. I simply walked up to him, adjusted his tie for him and directly engaged into a dancing kill mode. It's okay to be a little ridiculous and somewhat embarrassing. It calls attention to how much of a douche the other person actually is.

5. Engage during the right song.

- Make sure a good song is on. Know the song and its appropriate brakes and beats. Use this to your advantage. Best songs are as follows: 1. Poison - Bell Biv Devoe 2. Push It - Salt and Peppa 3. Tricky - Run DMC .......I like to stick to the classics.

6. Coordination

- Lets face it..if you aren't coordinated, you are screwed.

7. Tag team

- Always have a backup plan. Have someone who is willing to battle with/for you. Lean towards someone who can dance, and is on the more serious side when they do so. Preferably African American.

8. Lubrication

- I mean booze you sick freak. Make sure you have the correct amount of alcohol in you. Some of your moves could be painful, and you much rather feel it the next day. Remember, you want to look like you are having a good time and smiling. Also, I like to casually dribble a little water/booze on my dance floor. Controlled sliding can help improve your moves, channel your inner Michael Jackson moon walk, or Crypt Walk. Plus hopefully the other person will slip.

Okay, well I have shared with you all my helpful tips. If any of you have any others, please feel free to comment and share. It is time to challenge and execute.


  1. Wow! All great points....But, what do you when challenging the East coast fist pumping people that can't dance or worse the talented Japanese fellow with amazing breakdancing moves?

  2. damn..I did leave out the fist pump! How could I forget "beating the beat back" ?!?!?!